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Hey {{first_name|Bro}},
Today’s email will be a copy critique email.
This review’s:
Black text will be included in one of my subscribers’ copy.
The Blue text will be my opinion and comment.
Copy:
Subject Line:
SL: Let’s make your horse happy(and you too)
PV: learn horsemanship, win prizes
REVIEW:
I will not say it genric, but it's a super specific niche and awareness level is too low, almost unaware to problem aware stage.
So, this subject line works. It's ok.
PV can be more intriguing with NSEB, like Master horsemanship, and win huge prizes within 6 months.
Copy:
FIRST NAME,
Michael Gacon, the world-renowned horse trainer, welcomes you to the 30-day horse help challenge.
And from tomorrow onwards, for the next 30 days, every day you’ll be sent a video in which the 5th Generation Horsemanship Legacy holder will teach you the most essential strategies to make a deep horse‑rider partnership without wearing out your horse.
REVIEW:
Credibility and intro are fine, cause it's the first email in the welcome sequence.
But don't repeat with some other wording for cred in the second line, cause it will be a borrowing copy.
If i will rewrite it will be: "For the next 30days, I will be sending daily emails to your inbox, the most essential strategies to 'how to become a master horse-rider without wearing your horse. "
Copy:
You’ll also learn to & become:
Train a horse at home: confidently, safely, and successfully.
Horse-talk: communicate simply and effectively with your horse.
Absolute Expert: knowledge that we acquired in five generations of horsemanship.
Anxiety-Free: if you’re always worried your horse will do something scary with you.
REVIEW:
The bullets are straight from AI lol. So solid 0 points for bullets.
You have to make people feel they're solving their problem by providing some visual concepts.
Like:
These stargires include:
How to train a horse at home without falling from it, riding safely and successfully.
Learn how to communicate with your horse; it will obey your every single word.
{The other two are unnecessary}
Copy:
Oh wait! I forgot to tell you that we’ll be giving away rewards to participants showing the most progress… And in the past, we’ve given away 168,794 bucks worth of prizes.
REVIEW:
That's what made me open the email. And it's a good offer. Kinda giving the greed.
But it doesn't mention how much each person gets.
So, clearing the objection with a big amount with a name will be far better.
Copy:
One more thing: if you want to build a career in horsemanship or master it, then Michael Gascon invites you to his premium Horsemanship Academy in which you’ll be personally coached by professional trainers and:
Access to more than a thousand acres to explore horseback.
Learn from other invited expert trainers who specialize in different areas of horsemanship.
Learn how to control your horse like a puppet, that follows what you wish.
Achieve expertise in every other skill, information and knowledge of horsemanship that Michael has acquired plus how to run a highly profitable horsemanship training business.
REVIEW:
It's like reading another email from the start, don't mention it, lol. Or if you want to sell from the very first email, then mention it in the P.S cause welcome email is for soft sell, not hard sell.
These bullets are good, conersational and benefit-driven
Copy:
FIRSTNAME, if you’re interested in this horsemanship Academy, then fill out the application form by clicking the link below.
Learn the horsemanship skills, techniques and strategies that have dominated the horsemanship industry for over 5 generations
Signing Off
REVIEW:
It's a very interesting niche, but you're talking about training in this email, so just talk about that, and give cta related to it.
And after pricing, you didn't extra info about pricing, you started with your offer, so complete disconnection of the reader.
So, focus on one thing in one email and the hard-core offer mentioned in P.S., not in the body copy.
Over all email is 3/10; it needs a lot of parts to get improve, keep going.
If you want to get your emails, get a well-detailed review like this, feel free to send me some.
And for this week i will only accept 2 more emails, so first come and first served.
-AshuRex
Streak: 195
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