2nd Copy Critique Of This Newsletter!

Hey {{first_name|Bro}},

Today’s email will be a copy critique email.

This review’s:

Subject Line:

RE: Renewal window approaching

RE: Your lease renewal

Preview Text:

Action Required❗

REVIEW:

This subject line fits according to the niche, but it still lacks some info, so I should click. And the 2nd subject line is better, but you can add some words like: "Your lease renewal is here". Then it will be more intriguing.

PV is good according to the subject line. But I will suggest you make things complete, so 5/10 for the subject line and PV.

Hey firstname,

Most business owners think lease renewal is something you deal with a few months before it expires.

Something small.
Something routine.

That belief is exactly why landlords win.

Because agreeing to the landlord’s first offer is how a “routine renewal” quietly turns into a five-figure mistake.

REVIEW:

It's good to see you start with a problem, but why the f#ck are you saying all the business owners, cause you are talking to one person, but why all the biz guy?

And what are you talking about? AI? Why isn’t it conversational, and why doesn’t it sound human to me?

So key takeaways: if you generate copy from AI for ideas, it's ok.

But just write copy by your own hands, and don't rewrite the AI stuff. I can smell the AI from the very first words.

And here the disrupt or opening part should be something like this in my words:

"Lease renewal is the thing you deal with just before it expires.

And you take it as an avoidable and unseen task in your day-to-day business.

But that's where the landlords play their smart moves with their offer and make you lose a five-figure amount."

You signed your lease years ago at what felt like a fair rate.
Your broker said the increases were “standard.”

Since then, rent has crept up every year.

Quietly.

Stuck. Overpaying.
Losing $30K–$50K that should be fueling growth, hires, or a second location.

Your landlord knows this. And they’re betting you’ll stay focused on your business, not spend hundreds of hours mastering real estate.

That’s not even the worst part.

By the time you realize you’re overpaying, you’re already too close to renewal to do anything about it.

And that’s what leaves you captive.

REVIEW:

A.I. Vomit.

Bro, why??

And one of the basic principles of any writing is make the English as simple as a 6th grader can understand. First things first, it's just AI, which I hate to read, and I get bored. Second, the AI English is a little bit up than 6th grader.

And I am not saying it's not understandable, but I am saying make it so easy to read that people will be more willing to take action without any complexity. That's what the 6th grader concept is for you.

But anyhow, I want you to write this whole email by hand, not using AI. You can take this email aside and can just write from scratch by your own hand.

But now I will show you how I could write that part:

You signed your lease years ago at a fair rate, and your broker promises the increases in it will be in “standard rate.”

Since then, rent has crept up every single year quietly under your nose.

That’s what made you lose losing $30K–$50K. That money could be used to scale your business and expand to top tier location in the country.

The harsh truth is: Your landlord knows this. And they want you to stay focused on your business, not spend hundreds of hours mastering real estate.

That’s not even the worst part. cause by the time you realise you’re overpaying, you’re already too close to renewal to do anything about it.

That’s what leaves you captive.

Because if you try to escape, moving costs $50K+ and takes 9–12 months to find a new location.

If you try to stall past expiration, you’re hit with holdover penalties, sometimes double rent.

No good options.

No leverage.

No matter what you do, you’re stuck in the cycle all because you accepted the landlord’s first offer without ever realizing you could counter.

But what if there was a way out?

What if you could have complete control and leverage in negotiations enough to make your landlord think, “Shit… they did their homework.”

Pay a true fair market rate instead of overpaying compared to other tenants who…probably knew the tricks.

But you’ve tried everything already, haven’t you?

You hired a broker… and later realized they worked for the landlord, not you.
Or you paid a lawyer to “review” the lease, only to be told everything was legal.

I see businesses like yours enter a system designed against them.
The landlord quietly profits as you stay focused on running the business.

And honestly, it makes my blood boil every time.

Because I know how the system works, and I hate watching smart owners get caught in the trap.

That’s exactly why I reopened my service, “Chase The Landlord.”

REVIEW:

There’s a lot of fluff and AI buzzwords, so just delete it and rewrite the copy, and here you try to touch their nerves with pain and try to remove all of their objections.

And good use of rollercoaster emotion, but it can be better with removing the fluff words with more personalisation and specificity.

But you can say the same thing in less with effective, simple wording like this:

And if you try to stall past expiration, you’re hit with holdover penalties, sometimes double rent.

No matter what you do, you’re stuck in the cycle because you accepted the landlord’s first offer without ever realising you could counter.

But what if there was a way out?

What if you could have complete control and leverage in negotiations enough to make your landlord think, “Shit… they did their homework.”

And you pay a true fair market rate instead of overpaying compared to other tenants who probably know the tricks.

But you’ve tried everything already, haven’t you?

You hired a broker… and later realised they worked for the landlord, not you. Or you paid a lawyer to “review” the lease, only to be told everything was legal.

While the landlord quietly profits, you stay focused on running the business.

And honestly, it makes your blood boil every time. Because I know how it feels, and I hate watching smart buiness guy like you get caught in this trap.

That’s why, to save you from this 5-figure trap, I came up with: “Chase The Landlord System”

It’s built on some of the most bonkers methods. The kind that shouldn’t work but somehow do.

A client used them, and midway through the conversation, 

the landlord’s confidence completely vanished.

Don’t believe me? The results speak for themselves:

[testimonials]

And the weird part?

They didn’t spend 150+ hours studying leases or become a real estate expert.

They didn’t hire brokers who worked for the landlord.

Nor did they pay lawyers just to be told everything was “legal.”

They made one simple decision that most tenants completely overlook.

Now…

They’re able to focus fully on their business while a powerhouse of experts handles their renewals.

And no it wasn’t unethical, nor was it manipulative.

It was just… smart. Different.

The competition was thin. 

Most owners keep getting screwed because they never see it coming. This time, you do.

REVIEW:

Because of ai the formatting of all copy su*cks. Somewhere the two lines have weird space and some lines have too much space, and some points which can be mention bullets weren’t mentioned.

So this part is a little bit good in terms of copy and showing proof, but it needs serious work on formatting, like this:

It’s built on some of the most bonkers methods that one of our clients used.

And that made the landlord’s confidence completely vanish in his offer.

Don’t believe me? The results speak for themselves:

[testimonials]

And the weird part?

Now they’re able to focus fully on their business with experts handling their renewals.

Cause they play the smart proven move, then these landlords and all the players in the game who seek your money.

So if you’re going to do this, now’s the moment.

Because…

I’m only taking 8 clients this quarter. I’m already working with 4, which leaves just 4 spots.

Renewal negotiations take 2–4 months, and I can only handle so many at once without the quality dropping.

So if you’re 6–18 months away from renewal,
this is your window.

Because once you sign that renewal from your landlord, you’re locked in for five more years at whatever terms they throw at you.

And the worst part?

Your landlord’s team is already getting ready. They have lawyers. They have brokers. They have all the data.

They’re preparing to negotiate.

Are you?

Only 4 Spaces Left — Click Here To Claim Your Spot Before It’s Gone!

Just know your landlord is already calculating how much to raise your rent. And they’re betting you won’t fight back.

REVIEW:

Than any part of this email. It has good scarcity and pain. But your cta shuld always fulfil one desire and should work as a problem solver.

But you use the pain here in the right way. So good. But I will suggest making it more desire-dr.iven. like this:.

So if you’re intersted to play this smart move, now’s the moment.

Because I’m only taking 8 clients this quarter. I’m already working with 4, which leaves just 4 spots.

Renewal negotiations take 2–4 months, and I can’t handle so many clients at once without the quality dropping.

So if you’re 6–18 months away from renewal, this is your window.

Because once you sign that next renewal from your landlord, you’re locked in for five more years at whatever terms and offer they throw at you.

So, just know your landlord’s moves, so you can save 4-5 figures next time.

Only 4 Spaces Left — Click Here To Claim Your Spot Before It’s Gone!

REVIEW:

This email is 2 out of 10. Cause i like some parts and formatting, flow, personalization and specificity need serious work.

And please handwrite copy, don’t generate from A.I.

And if you have copy to get reviewed, reply to this email, {{first_name|Bro}}.

-AshuRex

Streak: 173

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